Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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