trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
