Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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