Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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