K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
