Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
