i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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