I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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