"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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