I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
