I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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