Umm I'm too high to move.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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