Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
