my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
