he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
