Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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