I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
