Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize