Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
