thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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