Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
