Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
