Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
