I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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