One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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