So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
