I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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