The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
