I looked at my own cervix.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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