You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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