I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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