I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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