okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
