yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
