she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
