Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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