Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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