If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
