she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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