We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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