Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
