I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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