careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just threw up on my dentist
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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