Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
