just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
