Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
