I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
