remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
