she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
