i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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