I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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