Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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