I feel great
I just peed on a car
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
