Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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