I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
