I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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