Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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