I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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