I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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