What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
