Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
