yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
