I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
