i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
