Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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