Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
