There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize