OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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