i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
