please come you make the beer taste better
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize