Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
