fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
